what to say?
by victoria comment


so, i’m going to assume that there isn’t one of us unaffected by the tragedies in newtown last week. i doubt that i am alone in not exactly knowing what to say. i know i’m sad, grieving, i know i’m angry and maybe even a little afraid. my heart mourns for the victims and the multitude of lives ruined by the events at that elementary school. i hear the personal stories of bravery, and of parents choking out the words about their little ones lost. and i can’t even begin to fathom their pain. what i do know is that i feel it too — of course my sorrow can’t be compared, but it’s deeply heartfelt and i honestly had a difficult time blogging for you all this weekend. i mean, do i just show you stylish design and frivolous stuff? or do we talk about our pain and fear? i know you come here probably for a bit of an escape — exactly that — to see pretty things and take your mind off of all that frightens you or makes your heart ache. but i had to say something. i am personally having a hard time getting past this and moving on to holiday merriment. it seems false, it seems forced for me. but hey, i’ve never been one for the holidays anyway — i don’t have children and maybe that’s part of the problem. i need the distraction of their innocence and joy. i hope you’re all doing okay. i hope i haven’t said too much. i don’t even really know that i’ve said much of anything — i suppose i’m just acknowledging that i’m feeling this sadness and thinking of all of you, too.

there is still beauty in the world. some days it just takes us a little longer to find it.

• instagram photos via fieldguided; glen proebstel; derek f; and cindy loughridge.

41 responses to “what to say?”

  1. I think it’s absolutely fine to acknowledge this and speak of it. I think it helps people move on because we know it could happen to any of us. I live in a large non-American city and as I walked to work this a.m. I walked past the American Embassy. People here had left tokens (toys, flowers) on the embassy wall and the news crews were filming them – which means more people are aware of what happened. The more awareness we have, the more changes are likely to happen. The people who lost children will never stop feeling that loss; never stop grieving; but they’ll know they’re not alone.

  2. I really couldn’t have said it better. I struggle with how much of myself and my feelings to put onto my blog, but all of this, this is exactly how I feel.

  3. Well said. Spent the weekend running errands, and forcing myself to do “normal”, yet found myself crying spontaneously and questioning so many things.

    Thank you for the reminder that “there is still beauty in the world”.

  4. What a beautiful post Victoria. Sometimes we are forced to reflect on the good and the bad simultaneously. Certainly this tragedy is doing just that- forcing us to stop and do whatever we have to do to grieve. On Friday I cried while ringing up sales. Last night I drove home and listened to- over the car radio, the entire Eulogy/Mass that President Obama spoke at as well did a representative of every faith. I felt I was at church with these people. This tragedy is a reminder that we are all one- so yes say something, we all should speak up- and say it loud.. xoxo

  5. Thank you for recognizing that the world needs to stop, pause and grieve. We will find beauty again, but for now, we need to find strength and stand by those families who are experiencing tragedy firsthand.

  6. Victoria
    Yes..the same..I had trouble focusing on putting up a blog on”design”. All things seem so unimportant when something happens like this. BUT as Tommy Rosen said this week [he is a great yoga teacher in LA] watching the tragic events on TV is draining all of us..if we chose to turn this off, we can take the bit of extra energy we have and direct our attention to the people and things around us upon which we can have a positive impact..

  7. Victoria, Thank you for acknowledging the pain and sadness we are all feeling in the wake of the most recent tragedy. Thank you, also, for the promise (through this blog) that tomorrow we will have the opportunity to glimpse some of the beauty, serenity and fun that still surrounds us. I appreciate your sharing both because while it is devastating, tragedy does not, can not, erase the good in our world.

  8. I’m glad you went with what is in your heart for this post. You can never go wrong with authenticity. And emotional connection, especially at times of tragedy, is the lifeblood of moving forward. How exactly we do that at a time like this is still the question. We’re all taking stabs at it in our own ways, and that’s a good start.

  9. thank you Victoria.
    the sadness and dismay is all encompassing.
    somehow, knowing you put it out there in your blog in real heartfelt words, and acknowledged it, made me feel better.

  10. i feel exactly the same way. how do i blog about art, and tweet about whatever silly frivolous thing i was going to tweet about when those other parents have lost their children. i have a 6 year old son, and i cannot even begin to imagine how i would move forward if i lost him. thank you for taking a moment to talk about this. xo

  11. my friend,
    i cried all through my chickens’ pre-school christmas pageant. i’ve been crying for days. my children are too young to know about this, and for that i am grateful. for them, in spite of feeling paralyzed by this horror, i visited santa on friday night and dressed them as elves on saturday. for them, i made tree-shaped pancakes on sunday morning.
    the best way for me to process this is to honor the lives of those who have been lost by trying really hard to go on living joyfully.
    you have found a gift for illuminating every-day beauty and sharing it with the world. there is value in that. feel good about it. every bit of positivity matters.

    • ah, i know casey. i’ve been thinking of you and your sweet chickens. hug them hard for me. it’s so comforting to know you’re making christmas magical for them. i wouldn’t expect anything else from you. big hugs for you – such an amazing mother. xoxo

      p.s. christmas tree shaped pancakes? over-achiever. :)

  12. I liked what you had to say. I too am so saddened by the events in CT. I can’t imagine what the families of the victims are going through. I couldn’t even watch the news reports about it. So many children who should be getting ready for Santa and spending time with their families torn away like that. So sad.

  13. Thanks for sharing this, Victoria. Sometimes just acknowledging where we are and that there’s been tragedy that’s affected the whole nation in some way-much less the families in CT-is part of the process of moving forward. Today felt harder than the whole weekend since I had to send Sebastian back to first grade. I had to let go of that anxiety and just hug him a little longer.

    I hope these last two weeks before Christmas hold special things for you. Thanks for all that you share over here!

  14. Hey Victoria,
    Thanks for acknowledging this tragedy the way you did. After hearing about the massacre, everything seems trivial except maybe you feel a deeper connection to the ones you love (the 2 and 4 legged variety).
    Hugs and lattes (not soy!),

  15. Thank you Victoria for voicing what we are all feeling. How can this be so, we ask ourselves? I am sad, but I am angry too – furious in fact. How can it be that people can have machine guns in their houses and it is more difficult to register a car than a gun in most places in this country. How can it be so that our politicians are shackled by special interests and cannot make sane policy because of fear of the gun lobby and gun makers? This really must be the last straw, how could it not be?

    • I agree! I encourage you to channel your anger into action — writing letters to your elected representatives is one of the most powerful things you can do as a citizen. Get involved in anti-gun organizations like the newly-formed One Million Moms for Gun Control (lame name, but a great cause with overwhelming groundswell), etc.

      Anger is an effective emotion because it leads to action. Sympathy and sorrow have their place too, but it is time to change things in this country.


  16. I don’t live in the US, never have…. At the moment I live in Brazil. Sao Paulo is considered to be a very dangerous city, yet I have never heard of such a thing happening over here… It shocks me every time this happens, yet it keeps occuring over and over again. I do not know why! I have a one year old daughter, she will start school next year and that just makes it all so scary… I just wish it would stop happening! Why children?? That is the hardest thing to accept. What I’m trying to say is, that this has shocked the entire world, not only the people living in America… We are all mourning and trying to understand. My thoughts are with all the parents from that school!

  17. so perfectly written Victoria. i needed this. so thank you for that. i did drop by today to see some prettiness, but i must admit that this genuine post of yours has warmed my heart. we are all in this together in one way or another, all on different levels, but together we still stand as we all do our best to endure it. oxo

  18. thank you for the ever-so-needed reminder that there is still beauty out there when such ugly events unfold before our eyes. this tragic event has help me to see the beauty in every marker-stained shirt I wash, the crumbs that are all over my floor, and every whinny “mommmm” i hear…because I am grateful for the little ones that inject this beauty into my every day. thank you.

  19. Beautifully written, Victoria. It is so unbelievably hard to wrap my head around this horrific tragedy. I have 3 young kids and can’t imagine the loss of one, let alone in such a cruel way. All we can do is hold those we love even closer and shine our lights a little brighter, out into the dark spots of the world.

  20. I feel sad and confused as why this horrible events keep happening. I haven’t watched the news as I can’t, it is way too upsetting. My love and hopes goes to the families who lost a loved one and I wish the human race (some people, if you can call them that) will consider to stop doing this atrocities. As a designer my job is to design and make products that will make people’s homes and surrounding more beautiful and cosier and therefore feel happier, but sometimes when I look at what is going on in our world, I struggle to keep going as I don’t see the point, but then I remember how important is to have beauty, peace, love, family, animals, nature, etc…in our lives.

  21. When are you guys gonna learn that it’s not a natural, normal thing to have a gun at home? to defend yourself form what? the enemy? It’s heartbreaking and sad to keep hearing this news over and over again. My love to all thos families out there.

  22. Thank you for reaching out to your readers in this way! Simply and honestly written. We all connect with this response. The horror of what has happened to those families has swept around the world. I can’t imagine how those parents are coping. Except they must know that they have loving thoughts and prayers for them from many, many people. Thank you again. It was beautifully written and needed to be said! Deborah – Melbourne, Australia.

  23. Victoria, anyone who is at all human must react and respond to such a tragic event. Your blog is the place where you share that which is in your heart and on your mind. The beautiful things you show us will still be there tomorrow and we can rejoice in them then. Today our hearts are broken and we mourn. Thank you for expressing that so well.

  24. Hi; just wanted to say that beauty and stuff may feel frivolous at this moment in time, but you know when the essence of that is about love and care for one’s surroundings, self expression and the hospitality and joy people can experience in that. Then in a way it lifts people’s spirits and souls and is not superficial because then you are a way to that for them.
    When the essence of what you do is about someone having better stuff and being “cooler” than others, then in a way you become part of the cause for hate and separation. But I never feel that way when I come here. Rest assured.
    These things help us become aware that the ones we love are always more relevant than the stuff that we have. Have a wonderful day!!!

  25. You summed up just how I feel. What is there to say and yet how can you remain quiet? My husband and I are on the path to teaching and hope to have children someday and an event like this really shakes our reality. Change needs to happen, no doubt about it.

  26. I think you said the perfect thing. I felt the same struggle….what to say, or to say anything at all. And I love what you said at the end, I said something very similar and it is what I tell my girls when bad things happen.

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